I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
