Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i love accidental penises.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
