I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
