i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
