chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
