I cannot find my penis.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I wish there were birth control emojis
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You are the jesus of drinking
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
