PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
