Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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