we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
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He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
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im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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