But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
