Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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