I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
