A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
