just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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