Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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