Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
His hands were made for my vagina.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
