Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
