"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
