I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
