It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
