I want to have your abortion
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
