took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
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I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
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You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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