there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
