So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
