do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
