Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
