I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
