Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
