He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
