White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
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