Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I didn't shave. On purpose
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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