I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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