my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
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we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
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THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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