I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
