Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Never joke about your clitoris.
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