is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
