have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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