piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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