You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
