just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Can I color on your dick again?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I can't put those talents on a resume
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
