When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
