"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
