Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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