Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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