you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
