Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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