I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
