I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We are all done wearing pants today
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
