Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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