You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
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