Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
