he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
