In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
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