Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I think i got beer on your cat.
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