i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
