Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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