There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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