Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
