I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
