chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
