So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
