cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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