NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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