ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
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I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
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Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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