One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
