i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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