the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think your dad took our porno
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
