for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
