watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
