To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
