Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
