I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.