im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life