I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
