we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.