Texts From Last Night

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  (678): View more from Georgia

  well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list

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  (678): well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list http://tfl.nu/inae
  Replies (4) Good night (2869) Bad night (852)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.

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  (908): The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels. http://tfl.nu/nz1k
  Replies (5) Good night (4749) Bad night (804)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.

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  (479): i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for. http://tfl.nu/5iul
  Replies (22) Good night (3432) Bad night (723)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.

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  (778): i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate. http://tfl.nu/ob4u
  Replies (5) Good night (1250) Bad night (3755)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.

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  (703): Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor. http://tfl.nu/fx2a
  Replies (4) Good night (2998) Bad night (1955)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes

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  (540): all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes http://tfl.nu/yixn
  Replies (34) Good night (8395) Bad night (1388)
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  (949): View more from California

  The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.

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  (949): The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses. http://tfl.nu/cf7g
  Replies (25) Good night (3740) Bad night (2251)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.

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  (201): The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card. http://tfl.nu/lm1u
  Replies (15) Good night (2843) Bad night (902)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart

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  (406): she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart http://tfl.nu/bwi5
  Replies (9) Good night (1730) Bad night (3813)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.

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  (913): I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/25xf
  Replies (3) Good night (1912) Bad night (689)
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  (107): View more from

  That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.

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  (107): That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog. http://tfl.nu/02iq
  Replies (8) Good night (1354) Bad night (1059)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.

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  (972): I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants. http://tfl.nu/algc
  Replies (7) Good night (1134) Bad night (946)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.

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  (202): We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy. http://tfl.nu/mfv7
  Replies (9) Good night (1583) Bad night (687)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore

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  (616): if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore http://tfl.nu/orke
  Replies (10) Good night (2487) Bad night (558)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?

  (1-206): View more from Washington

  Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.

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  (206): Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch? (1-206): Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive. http://tfl.nu/b0n8
  Replies (1) Good night (694) Bad night (272)

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