I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.