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• (518): View more from New York

  you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.

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• (916): View more from California

  Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.

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  23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me

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• (631): View more from New York

  im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night

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• (760): View more from California

  I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.

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• (619): View more from California

  So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it

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  These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious

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• (914): View more from New York

  Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?

  (309): View more from Illinois

  probably

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• (731): View more from Tennessee

  Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.

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