It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Randomize
