i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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