im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
