Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
