Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
