I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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