Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
