so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
